The Healthy Family             

Health is a very important subject. As we grow older, we would naturally be concerned about our health.  Today, we want to address not only issues of physical health; we want to look at health with the meanings from  several Hebrew and Greek words have been translated as “health” in the Old and New Testament.  It can mean: 1) Lengthening, prolongation; 2) Safety; 3) Healing; 4) Peace, completeness; 5) Soundness; 6) Physical well-being, “to be in Health”.  Therefore, when I talk about a healthy family, I mean all the characteristics mentioned above in the Bible.

We are thankful that the Bible gives us clear guidance for a healthy family.  Let us turn to Ephesians 5:28-33.  From this passage, it is quite clear to me that God has placed the responsibility of a healthy family on the husband and father.  Today in America, there are different opinions about fatherhood; some may feel that father may not be necessary.  However, let us look into the word of God and examine its teaching.  Proverbs 4:22 says this about God’s Word “for they are life to those who find them and health to a man’s whole body.”

1.  The important thing taught in the Bible about a healthy family is that the husband leads in loving his family.  The Bible says husbands should love his wife as Christ loves the Church.  Jesus took the initiative to sacrifice himself for the church.  The husband should take action to cherish and nurture his wife.  He is to leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife.  That means that the husband should take the responsibility to get close to his wife.  He sits close to her.  He walks with her.  He prays with her.  He delights in talking to her; he helps her to grow in the Lord.  He loves her as much as he loves his own body.  When he leads in loving the mother of the home, the children will follow. 

In loving the children, the father should take the lead too.  In Ephesians 6:4, God puts the responsibility of nurturing, training and disciplining of the children squarely on the father.  Of course, if a family has no father present, then a mother must take the place.  But it’s quite clear that God puts the matter of education and spiritual growth primarily on the father.  He is to lead his children with love and care.

Now what about the wife. 

2.  Secondly, the wife is to respect her husband.  (Ephesians 5:33b)  I believe that majority of the times, when the husband does take the lead in loving his wife; it won’t be too difficult for the wife to submit to her husband, especially for a Christian wife.  She would love to enjoy his protection and direction in the affairs of their home.  In addition, the Bible does repeatedly emphasize the role of the wife to respect her husband. 

It would be very wise for a woman to be aware of the reputation of her husband.  She should respect him in and out of their home.  She would want to show respect to husband in the manner of talking about him, or to him.  When a wife talks back and be loud to her husband in public and making unpleasant remarks about her husband, she is showing disrespect to him.  She is killing her husband’s reputation and makes others think less of both her and her husband.  I’ve seen a Chinese couple working together.  This Christian leader’s wife loves to show how she is in charge in the public and shout back to her husband to show her different opinion.  What a scene.  She may think she was so smart.  However, imagine how others would think of their relationship and her disrespect of her husband as a leader.  It is uncomfortable to say the least. 

If a husband who does not care about his reputation, he would probably never be a good leader at all, at least, not at his home.  Therefore, if a wife wants her husband to lead, she had better respect him all the time.  Then you will have a great chance to be a healthy family!

3.  Children should obey and honor parents.  Ephesians 6:1-3.  Not only the father should take the lead at home, and the mother should respect her husband in front of the children as well as others, the Bible gives the children a responsibility for a healthy family. Listen to God’s Word, “Children keep obeying your parents in the Lord, for this is righteous.”  The great Lutheran scholar, Lenski said that God as a judge will pronounce those children a verdict, “You are righteous.”  Colossians 3:20 also says, “….this is well pleasing to the Lord”. 

When children obey and honor the parents, for God’s sake, the Bible says there is a promise for them.  They will be well and live long.  That’s healthy!  Of course, we need to see the entire context in the Bible here, for a family to be healthy, you need to have the husband who takes the lead and loves his wife, the wife who respects her husband, and the children who obey and honor their parents.  When America follows God’s way, our nation will be turned around from a gloomy prospect, our families will be healthier, our society will be safer, our economy will be prosperous, because the cost of welfare and entitlement will be down, and indeed, all of us will enjoy the consequence of having better physical condition and live longer.  We see God’s emphasis in pointing out the father as the captain, the coach and the leader in all these process. 

4.  The father who avoids exasperation, but nurtures, disciplines and instructs his children.  See Ephesians 6:4.

Why does the Bible start with negative?  Bible students point out that God knows that the father as a human being do have imperfection.  Who is able to say, “I’m a perfect father, I never made a mistake as a father” ? So God cautions us not to abuse our authority.

The word “Exasperate” means to remorse, to anger or to enrage.  When father keeps on making the children angry, he may embitter the children and cause them to be discouraged.  (Colossians 3:21)  What are some common ways of causing this?  Pastor Brian Bill of Pontiac Bible Church, Illinois, points out several things.  And I follow his excellent ideas and quote his seven points in the following:
 

A  Overprotection

A father can be too careful that, we won’t allow the child to grow up.  The child may think that my dad does not trust me and becomes bitter.  Look at an example in the Bible:  Laban, who had two daughters, Leah and Rachel.  Laban probably worried so much that his elder daughter won’t get married.  So he cheated Jacob and made him marry Leah first.  Later gave Rachel to him too for seven years of services.  As a result, it created so much fighting in the family of Jacob between the two sisters.  Did the two sisters like their father?  No, they commented, “Does he not regard us foreigners?  Not only has he sold us, but also he has used up what was paid for us." ( Genesis 31:15.)  What the father thought of parental protection became as an accusation that he did not really love them. 

B.  Overindulgence

The flip side of overprotection is overindulgence.  Excessively permissive parents are as likely to stir their children’s wrath as much as those who stifle them.  Studies prove that children given too much freedom begin to feel insecure and unloved.  Because our society has fostered increasingly permissive attitudes toward children, we are now reaping the harvest of a whole generation of angry young people.

C.  Favoritism.

A third way to exasperate kids is by showing favoritism.  Isaac favored Esau over Jacob, and Rebecca preferred Jacob to Esau.  That family experienced terrible agony and two brothers became bitter rivals.  If you want to destroy your child, just make him feel inferior to others in the family.

D.  Unrealistic Goals

Dads, we can provoke our kids to wrath by constantly pushing achievement.  Many Chinese parents committed this grave error.  Fathers, while it is true that we are called to exhort and correct our children, we are also to comfort and encourage when they fail in achievement. 

E.  Discouragement

As Colossians 3:21 challenges us, we are not to provoke our children to anger or they will become discourage.  Dads, let’s cut down on criticism and sarcasm in the home.  Let us look for ways to celebrate and applaud.  Let us give our approval spontaneously so our kids do not have to earn it or look for it in the arms of a boyfriend or girlfriend.  Let us catch our kids doing things right instead of lashing out at them for what they do wrong.

Here’ a simple rule of thumb:  For every time you have to point out something that your kids do wrong, try to equalize it with a word of encouragement.

Haim Ginott wrote this:  “A child learns what he lives.  If he lives with criticism, he does not learn responsibility.  He learns to condemn himself and to find fault with others.  He learns to doubt his own judgment, to disparage his own ability, and to distrust others.  And above all, he learns to live with the continual expectation of impeding doom.”  (“Between Parent and Child,” page 72)

F.  Neglect.

Another way to exasperate your children is by neglecting them.  When we fail to show affection and act indifferently toward our kids, we can cause them to burn with anger.  We can neglect our kids by never being home; or we can do it by being home but not involved in their lives.
 

G.  Excessive Discipline.

Too much punishment is another sure way to provoke a child to anger.  Dads, never punish our children when we are in the midst of a rage.  You are to guide them, but not punish them for punishment sake.  

On the positive side, the father is to provide nurture -- to bring them up.  Children cannot be left alone for others to bring up. (Proverbs 29:15.  A child left to himself brings shame to his mother”).  A father needs to engage actively in the welfare of helping children to grow by disciplining them and instructing them in the Lord. 

Discipline should be the responsibility of the father.  Discipline is different from punishment.  Our kids want it and need it.  If we do not, we fail them and may cause them to fall from faith.  Bible says, “If you refuse to discipline your children, it proves you do not love them” Proverbs 13: 24) 

We are also to provide children with instructions on how to do things, how to act and behave, and to take care of themselves.  But especially, we are to teach them things in the Lord.

One Pastor says that we need to let our kids see that their dad is not ashamed to seek Jesus’ help and go to church.  We need to let our kids see that our home is open to Jesus and ask him to rule our own house.  We need to put the welfare of our children in Jesus hands through prayer. 

Most of all, we need to teach by being an example to them in our home.  Another Pastor wrote the following words:  “according to a 50-year study of Christian and non-Christian families, most young adults who follow Christ either come from non-Christian homes or from homes where they grew up in love with Jesus mom and dad were in love with Jesus.  Their parent’s passion for Christ permeated their lives and passed through their pores to their kids.  Sadly, very few believers came from homes where there was a kind of indifferent, apathetic commitment to Christ.  It is sobering to suggest that the changes are better for a child growing up in a non-Christian home to become a sold-out believer than for a child growing up in a spiritually lukewarm environment. 

Let me close by quoting the following true story:  about a boy, who grew up in a Jewish family in Germany. He had profound admiration for his father, and their entire family life revolved around the synagogue…their faith.  As a teenager, the family was forced to move to another town to find work.  The boy noticed that the family stopped attending the synagogue, but started attending a high-society, fashionable Lutheran church.  He asked his dad, why have we switched?  “We’re not Lutheran, we’re Jewish!”  

His dad said, “Attending this church will be good for business.  We’ll make contact; we’ll rub shoulders with the right kinds of people.”

The boy later testified that that was the day he lost all respect for his dad.  Each day he started frequenting British Museums, and formulating new ideas, and began putting them down in the form of a book—a book which contained a completely new world view.  He conceived of a movement that he believed could change the world, to free the world from what he called the “problem of religion”.  The young man’s name was Karl Marx, the father Communism.  And it all started the day he lost respect for his father!

Dad, let us not lose the respect of our Children.  Let us lead them to follow the best way.  We are not perfect, but who is?  We can start today.  Dad, your children will remember you for your standard of standing up for God because these are things that will prolong your family and the name of your family in the future.